Why?

क्यों? 

So we basically talked for months, half a year. Only for you to decide one day that i was too much and you dint care. Thats it? Like I mean really? So essentially it meant nothing? Not even in the moment ? Then why take the pains to actually start the conversation in the first place? Why chat ? Why entertain ? Why host ? Why the trip? Why ?

She had seen so much and had come to the peaceful conclusion that love was a closed chapter. She almost dint make it for the wedding where she would meet him. But fate, fate has a way to show up unannounced without warning. 

From his very first text, first text, there was an inexplicable pull.  Couldn't quite place a finger on the logic, the why. Let herself be swept in the wave of emotions & day dreams. Crystal clear communication about this was nothing more than what it was, that it would never be, dint deter her from falling. 

And now, it was ripped off like a bandaid. One shot, no explanation,  no answers. She sat with herself for hours, pouring over the photos, videos, messages, voice notes, songs. Reasoned with herself that this was going to happen sooner or later, yet, there was no respite to the hurt. 

And it's this powerless hurt that became a part of who she is. Everything reminds her of him. She doesn't have it in her to let go anymore. Is not going to fight with her feelings. She misses him, is going to miss him for the foreseeable future. Will continue to be vulnerable about it, even though that made her seem weak, powerless and not in control from his pov. But that's okay because she is done pretending that she's fine. Because she is not. She doesn't need to be okay or fine. She needs to remember this is what happens when she opens herself up. 

And who knows, miracles happen she hears. Maybe. Maybe not. But, hope is all we have. 

And the lyrics - 

Can I take you to a moment Where the fields are painted gold And the trees are filled with memories Of the feelings never told? When the evening pulls the sun down And the day is almost through Oh, the whole world, it is sleeping But my world is you Can I be close to you?