This one is for you Grandpa!

Today marks the 5th death anniversary of my grandfather. I miss him dearly. 

My tears well up as I type these words. He was a super affectionate, awesomely caring individual who went a little early as he lost his will to live. While he was alive, we spoke every two-three days and he had even given up asking me about my plans to settle down in life (yes, he was orthodox in some of his thinking) but, in most things, he was quite evolved. 

He was a passionate individual who gave his all to whatever he did. Case in point, there were some dues that he had to get from one of the government firms right from the 1980's. Till his dying day, he pursued the matter and wrote letters after letter to the authorities in the hope that one day his labor will bear fruit. That day never came. But, what I learnt from this is grit and perseverance are qualities that one must have. 

When computers became an ordinary appliance to be found in every nook and corner, he learnt how to operate one. Albeit slowly, he picked up excel sheets, MS word and much more. A lesson that age is just a number and learning can happen anytime. He never hesitated to ask any of his grandchildren for help on this! He was so comfortable doing that because he was focused on learning the skills, not who  taught him. 

He was always eager to entertain friends and family - he firmly believed in the power of all. He introduced me to some of my favourite people in life.  A distant cousin, of who's existence, I was blissfully unaware of, was brought into my life by my grandfather, at one of the many trips I made to the IITs. He is one of the people I am really close to and am glad to have him! 

My grandfather was a great host - always on top of people's preferences and choices! It's one of the traits that I try to emulate and remember choices especially in food ! :)

Well, he wasn't perfect, he took decisions which I guess he regretted at some point in his life. And, again, there is something to learn from those as well. 

In the end, he was such a blessing to have around and now that he is not around anymore, I dearly miss him. But continue to remember him and the joyous memories he has left me with. 

I miss you badepapa. I wish I could see you one more time.. 

PS: This was meant to be published on 16th June, but since August is his birthday month, I think this is a better time for this post ! 

 

Discoveries !!

Sometimes, when you least expect, life can take a turn. Just a turn that's pleasant in this present moment. No promises, no expectations and no complications. Just plain happiness. 

I'm happy today. With everything in my life. I know it's far from perfect, I know it could be fleeting, I am aware that it's as transient as life itself. And yet, I am here and I am happy. Touchwood. 

Flashback to understand how I got here - 

A gazillion questions in my head as I pace about my room getting ready and trying to get my scattered brain to stop with the questions. Getting me out of my house always takes an extra push, and this time it had taken many many hours of self talk to convince myself that I needed to do this for myself. I was agitated with the fact that I had nobody to accompany me, yet, knew this must be done. 

A super long flight - that zoomed past thanks to my inquisitive brain finally giving up and slipping into slumber - and a longish cab journey later, I find myself dipping my feet in water and just gazing at the sky. 

There is something about the air, they say. You know - hawa paani badalne se milne wala sukh dukh ( refer to DDLJ's bauji's dialogue on Simran's visible unhappiness). Thankfully, in my case, it was my visible happiness - very evident to my enthusiastic mom on the video call and to myself in the mirror. 

Next morning, I set off on an adventure starting with hitching a pillion ride to walk the colorful rues, taste the local delicacies (how I wish, I could lay my hands on the heavenly date walnut cake again) and to send a postcard to my favourite human! 

The wind in my face and the ear to ear smile , captured beautifully on my selfie video said it all - I felt free. Free of any judgement, free to be myself and to live as I please. 

The next few days were equally brilliant, socialising with stark strangers, hitching more pillion rides, ditching those for cosy car rides, hiring a bike and testing how fast I can go, getting fined for not wearing a helmet,  mastering the art of drinking the local brew, learning to dip the bread in the curry correctly, exploring an abandoned city, taking a bike on the ferry and exploring an island, swapping to-do lists with do-nothing days, swimming in waterfalls and jumping off cliffs!! 

I have to admit, I wish I had come on a one way ticket after all. But, anyway, that's for another day. 

By the end of the trip, I was so grateful that I did not have anyone known to me with me on the trip. I lost myself a lil, found myself a whole lot and re-discovered my cheerful , bubbly (for the lack of a better word) self. 

I am so happy for giving myself this chance to experience life and this city in an unprecedented way. It's hard to articulate in words what changed, but, something inside me has changed, literally, transformed. Back to who I really am. Who I always will be. 

I believe in me. I have faith in me. I will be alright, heck, I am kick-ass !