Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Just them now...

He still wore the ring 
he was still alive..

It had been weeks since he had heard from her,
no phone call, not even a message. What had she chosen?
Why had she disappeared into thin air?
Why? Why could he find no reason??

Little Marcus was just about getting used to her absence..
And even as he was getting better at putting Marcus to bed..
All he wanted really, was an answer for this act of quittance.
Why did she leave with everything unsaid??

She looked at her ring..
Even as she breathed her last..

Eight weeks ago, she left everything behind,
For she couldn't tell Marcus,definitely not John..
but, since the tumor had begun making her blind,
She knew, it wasn't going to be long, before she was gone.....

She couldn't inflict the pain on him, for there was nothing he could alter...
Yet she wanted to be remembered with a smile,
So she penned down a little letter,
to explain her exile.


This is my entry for Bluebell Books:  Short Story Slam:  

26 comments:

  1. Heartbreaking. I love how the feel of the poem changes halfway through. I originally thought it was a wife who had abandoned her husband for somebody else, even with the clue that 'he was still alive'.

    Beautifully written.

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  2. love the plot here,

    with the child's mother involved.
    a job well done.

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  3. @Halfwaybetween: Thank you so much.. when I begun writing, that was my first thought.. but then I changed it! :) Thank u for your generous praise..

    @Morning: Thank you so much!

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  4. Good plotting and carry through.

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  5. this is so sad. is it true?

    http://zongrik.wordpress.com/2011/10/13/son/

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  6. Nicely told, switching tellers. And very moving when linked to the smiling face in the photo.
    Jamie

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  7. Beneath your clever composition there is a seam of tenderness and deep emotion. Very moving

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  8. @kshawn: thank you for stopping by!
    @zongrik: it's unreal.. I just came up with it! :) thanku for asking.. makes me feel that the emotions i wanted to bring out are there...
    @Jamie: thanku so much for the comment!!
    @Keith: thanks a ton! it means a lot!

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  9. sad, so sad - well written piece!

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  10. this is so sad and so hard on her to leave behind the two men in her life knowing that she will never see them again but wants to be remembered
    http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/10/17/to-my-son/

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  11. sad, powerful job.

    :)

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  12. Dying is a part of living. This was tender an sweet, and filled with a decision that I wish she had not made. But that comes from an old bat.

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  13. @Nidhi: thanku so much..
    @Raghu: I'm glad you felt it brought out that expression...
    @Kay: Thanku so much
    @Ann: thank you so much once again!
    @Cooloceanwaves: I'm so grateful for your comments
    @Theoldraven: Thanku! I agree that sometimes decisions are hard to make.. but we just make them nonetheless..

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  14. I liked your poem. It had an interesting narrative that although sad, was satisfying. Nice work.

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  15. That surely had an unexpected twist to it! I feel like the second half is almost overpowering the first one, though, somehow... Really, really, REALLY like it!

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  16. thanks for sharing such a lovely piece.

    bless all.

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  17. That's a nice plot here, luv it!

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  18. Oh how sad. I am touched by your poetry. Well done. laurie @ Battling My Inner Critic

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  19. A Nice poem, so full of sadness, but also filled with love and beauty.

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  20. Good work in the capture of the situation...creatively written.
    ZQ

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  21. An interesting story, though I still don't understand the mother's actions at all--cutting off your loved ones completely is worse than letting them see you die. Well-written :)

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  22. How are you today?

    Happy end of November!

    Appreciated your support to our poetry picnic,

    Hope to see you share today,

    A random poem or old poem will do the wonders too.

    Your talent rocks.

    Hope to see you in.

    xoxox

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